PresentSmileCryFuture

Holding on to something from the present will either make you smile or cry in the future.

S.H.T.T.Y Still..

After a bowl of fish slice mee suah soup, Anderson ice-cream, Four Seasons durian puff (all compliments of Nad) and doughnuts (compliments of LaneigeQueen), I still feel shitty. It's been eons since I feel this way.

Even those funny emoticons don't work.

I hate feeling sorry for myself.

S.H.I.T.T.Y

I am feeling shitty today. I can't believe I let myself feel this way again. Silly me. Age doesn't seem to make me wiser.

I can feel the heaviness of the air, the burden in my heart and worse, the smile I have to muster when I am around people. Some people noticed my sombre mood and asked whether I was alright. Didn't know that I was that bad in hiding my mood. Super lame. Smile.. Smile.. Smile..

On a cheerful note, I had a great time with four of my Titans yesterday. Thanks for the company, guys. Looking forward to see you all again next Thursday.

I just came back from chatting with my Fifth Year Goonies. Amazing how much they change. Today, they are going to have their Geography papers in the afternoon. All of them were studying and sharing notes. They are more serious this year than last year. And I felt good that there is a change in them. Hopefully, my Dedication4 will be like them next year.

Missing...

My time's nearly up. About three months left. But I try not to think of it; always pushing it to the back of my mind.

Don't like the idea of missing my Goonies and my fellow Potters. Told one of my Goonies that everytime I miss him, I will put a chocolate aside so that when I visit the Institution, I will pass him all the chocolates. But currently, YOU ARE ON DIET, right? Maybe I should put aside one mango everytime I miss you. Haahaa.. healthier. And it's your favourite too. :)

I'm going to miss my Form Goonies too. I won't see them in their fifth year. Everytime I think of this decision, I always thought that I should wait for my past Form Goonies to graduate first. But it has already been about three years. This year, it took me some time to make this decision. And I thought I might as well take the step.

I'm gonna miss P.H.Y.S.I.C.S terribly. She has been my Unni, my neighbour, my confidante, my advisor and most importantly, my friend. We've grown closer over the years. We can even read each other's mind now. I don't know how to live without her next year. I think she's feeling it too. I actually force her to pledge our sisterhood by buying two pairs of slippers, one pink and the other blue, and exchange one colour. So juvenile, right? But the different coloured slippers will remind me of her. And I hope I won't miss her that badly.

Next on the list.. LaneigeQueen. I'm gonna miss her coming to my cubicle to seek solace. Or to give me food. Or to give me little trinkets. And I'm quite worried about her. With me gone, she has only P.H.Y.S.I.C.S and if P.H.Y.S.I.C.S is busy, she might feel lonely.

Decisions.. there's always a repercussion.

I'm slightly depressed now. Gonna seek solace. Gonna continue my fifth day msn marathon. Won't feel the loss too badly then. I hope..

Short and Sweet

Going to sleep after this. Fourth day of marathon. And I lost a game to you. Heesh..

Message me again if you want to continue our fifth day of marathon. Haahaa..

Fighting!!!

My Marathon

I'm currently on a 3-day msn marathon. Now's nearly 5 am and I have not slept yet. Yesterday, I slept at 3 plus in the morning. And the day before, about 2 plus.

I'm not just chatting. I'm muti-tasking. I was on Facebook, Friendster and playing online game. Lame.. I know. But I have not felt relaxed for a very long time. And I feel great being relaxed.

Today, I learn two things:

1. how to play Sudoku (is that how you spell it?)
2. and when I am angry, I enter the Goonie's room without any eye contact with anyone.

Thank you for teaching me how to play Sudoku. Never play it before in my whole life. And I'm getting good at it because I won in my fourth try. Not bad, huh?

Seriously enjoy the msn marathon. Even though I didn't enjoy the 'hangover' period; kept tripping on things, couldn't comprehend what people were telling me, my fingers getting cramps and my whole body hurt.

Just ended my marathon. I don't know if there'll be one tomorrow. If you are reading this, please message me and tell me as I should be out the whole day for Hari Raya visiting. Haahaa.. And I bet you only wake up at 5 plus in the afternoon. Lucky you.

By the way... Facebook is great. I found my JC friends, even this guy who was in my class for only the first three months. Still new in it. To me, Facebook is not just about throwing sheep and drawing on the Superwall. It helps me find my long-lost friends, and even keep intouch with my good friend in US (I actually saw her baby sis' picture and seriously, she has grown so big. I mean the last time I saw her sis was when she was in primary school. I think she's 20 somthing now! Heesh..).

Alright, will post more when I'm less sedated.

In the mean time.. FIGHTING!!!

And BOGO SHIP DA!!!

Past, Present, Presence..

There are certain parts of your past that you would want to bury because thinking about it hurts so much that nothing can cease the pain. But over the years, I realise the pain has lulled and even the mere mention of it doesn't cause me to recoil.

After so many years of avoiding each other, we bumped into each other twice this year. Back then, when we lived so far apart, we made an effort to meet each other. But now, when we are living so close, we choose to ignore each other's presence. The irony of life.

Recently, my past tries to catch up with my life again. I'm cool about it but I don't know if that is a wise decision.

Sometimes, I believe, we just have to take the risk. I think I can manage my feelings well now to accept my past's presence. The problem is, can my past's present accept my presence? Only time will tell.

The Ya-Ya Sisterhood (compliments from Fah)

The last time I heard from Zah, she and Dah were having this SMS war.

I'm sure I'm gonna be slapped on the face for writing about their dispute but this is too hilarious not to be written. Furthermore, we've been friends since secondary one and we are super CLOSE. Plus I'm too cute to be ignored and they LOVE me despite my numerous handicaps. And most importantly, Hari Raya's in two days time. So both of you have to forgive me, okay?

My two girlfriends are fighting over money. Not that they owe each other money but it was over some work that one ought to receive payment. So as usual, I'm always the innocent party who would receive forwarded sms and be the impartial judge.

Anyway, to cut the story short, the three of us would not be close friends if not for the fact that we have known one another for the longest time. This includes Fah and Nad.

The five of us are pretty anal for different reasons; Dah with money, Zah with tardiness, Nad with cleanliness, Fah with coolness and me with orderliness.

Anyway, just wanna say Selamat Hari Raya Aidifitri, my dearest friends. Forgive me for any mistakes I've made. I know I've been MIA this fasting month, but trust me, I'm super busy with work. Nad, if you are reading this, I know you complained to PurringFeline about my absence but don't worry. Will make it up to you. Should be more free during the holidays.

Fah, sorry that I didn't know about you were sick and having exam at the same time. Didn't even realise that I didn't contact you for the longest time. I know that you know that when I'm busy, I just forget the world. Will make it up to you too.

Dah, seriously, must celebrate your birthday together again this year. I'm making myself free on that day. Wohoo..

And my dearest Nyot, Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir dan batin, kawan. Ni, ha, aku berbual Melayu dengan engkau. Kenalah kita berlatih berbual dalam bahasa Melayu, ya? Lagipun, engkau dahulu ambil Malay A dan aku ni ambil Bahasa Melayu sebagai Bahasa pertama. Haahaa..