What am I Doing with My Life?

I was doing some work when I saw an old friend on MSN. I said hi to her and asked if she was having her holidays. This friend of mine is one lucky girl; not only she's smart, she is still studying too. In US. About some filming modules. Both of us knew each other since Primary Four. Went to the same secondary school. Separated in JC. Met again in NUS. Only that I'm in Arts and Social Sciences while she was in Business Administration.

Both of us always shared our heartbreaks together. Check out our crushes together. I remembered she had a huge crush on someone working at a fitness club in Bishan. We actually sat outside the fitness club for hours just to have a glimpse of that person. Hilarious..

Back to the present again, she said she was having her term break and she is currently in Geneva for holidays. Geneva?!?! She's 29 and still studying; and I'm 29 and besotted with work. How fair is that? She's lucky that her family's quite well-to-do. She's not snobbish at all; just plain lucky to have that kind of material support. Me? I have to depend on my own. I thank Allah that my life's more comfortable now; my parents seem to lead a more contented life now. But I can never be as lucky as my friend. Sometimes having the extra material comfort really makes a difference in one's life. You have a slight edge over others.

I always tell my goonies that we must improve our lives. If our parents' lives are of this standard, we must be slightly higher level than theirs. And how can we do this? Basic qualifications. I'm not talking about a degree or PHD; I'm talking about at least an 'O' Level certificate. But they seem to be dubious of my belief.

Recently, two of my male Goonies refused to cut their hair. They rather not take their prelims (prelims, mind you!!! Sigh..) than cut their hair. I was like DUH!!! God.. how can anyone be so dense? I was angry initally, then disappointed. With them and myself. Whatever I try to inculcate into my Goonies this year seems to be futile; if I'm a good Potter, my Goonies won't spurt out such nonsense! Attitude relects leadership.

When they decided to sort out their thoughts, they decided to take the exam. But with one twist; they left most of the papers BLANK! And sleeping 95% of the time during exam. Gosh.. I have been a Potter for that particular level for nearly four years and I have never seen such a 'phenomenon'.

Something else sprung out last week too. My goonies got involved in a mass fight in the Institution! With goonies from other institution! Bizarre, right? You want to know what's more bizarre? It was in between break time for their next prelim paper! Solid, huh? Have time to wack people but no time to do their exam papers? Down right unfathomable!

Again the question pops up in my head; What am I doing with my life? Why do I care so much about people who just don't care about their lives? And get emotionally affected by it?

I think I know the answer but the next question is.. How long can I sustain this?

*twenty28eight is currently trying to mark the prelim papers. and life goes on for her...*

Procrastinator.. I am

I'm a procrastinator. Period. I can feel in my veins that the 'bad' blood is slithering its way to my brain, telling me.. "Life's too short to worry too much. Don't worry. Be happy." And that's why you people get to read this blog. Sigh..

I'm trying to do work, actually. But in reality, I get distracted with so many things; reading people's blogs (and I don't even know these people!!!), messaging my friends and reading Amy Tan's novels (am in the process of reading The Kitchen God's Wife. Have completed The Joyluck Club and The Bonesetter's Daughter). My sis was.. "Haven't you read these books before?" I did. But it's just reading like reading Harry Potter again and again; unreveiling their secrets all over again and getting excited again. *Note the word AGAIN*

Anyway.. I discovered something; remember I mentioned in my previous blog that someone was nasty to me ? Well.. actually it was that someone's partner who messaged that to me. Duh! And I actually apologised to this someone. Well.. it's not that someone's fault anyway! Zah.. Take note of this! I do solve conflicts, okay! :p

*twenty28eight is resolved to do work after this. Right after she answers her friend's messages. Haahaa..*

Ramblings..

Watching the LakeHouse gives me this warm feeling that every story has a happy ending. Yeah, right! Haahaa.. But watching it (twice!! Can you believe it?!?!) makes me reminisce how I used to believe that love is forever; I mean, how can you actually be in love with somebody, meet someone new, and totally erase the remains of your love for that person? It doesn't make sense to me and that's why people like me are called fools.

Two days ago, someone said something nasty to me. Sigh.. as if I can't stand up after I fall. If I can do without you for the past five years, and here I am being nice becauseI shouldn't be a nasty, petty b***h, you should be grateful that I make the effort to say hi. Learnt my lesson. Period.

Back to the LakeHouse. I prefer the il Mare version but who can resist Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves?!?!

I'm going to list the people whom I found/find charming:

1. My good friend's ex-boyfriend. He was one guy who actually offered to take the cutleries for us, instead of waiting for us to ask for them. Sweet, right? All the guys that I met just wait there as if the cutleries learnt some skills from Copperfield and able to manifest themselves right in front our very eyes. Dumb! I used to think she was lucky until they broke up. He's an idiot! Huge moron for letting my friend go.
2. My long-lost friend. Attracted to her because of her personality; boisterous and funny. Charming and sweet. But nobody's perfect right? She who taught me all the beautiful things that the world can be is just one who doesn't practise what she preaches. That's why she's my long-lost friend.
3. Ellen. Ellen deGeneres. God.. I love her!!! Since I was on 2-day MCs, I managed to catch her 1700 Ellen Talkshow. She's funny.. she's quirky.. she's cute.. and she can dance (not many people can dance..)! She's a natural on TV and not forgetting she's.. gay=happy! Haahaa..

Hmm.. wrote two blogs in a day. People might think I'm boh liao. But I feel much better. Writing what I feel. There's still tomorrow to get through. Dedication5, here come...

*twenty28eight is currently waiting for SI to start. Must give JUDE the moral support*

Specially Dedicated to.. ME.

Sometimes when I'm not hopping maniacally like an Energizer bunny, when I sit down in a corner, alone wth my mental thoughts lock in the dinghy space of my brain, my mind will be plagued by questions 'Why me? Why me?'. In retrospect, I counted how many NA and NT goonies versus EXPRESS goonies I have taught for the past six years. The latter, less than the number of fingers I have in one hand. And the problems from the former, more than the fingers and toes I have (bear in mind I'm not 'unusual'; I have ten fingers and ten toes).

If I put on my positive halo, I always remind myself that I can do it; that's why I'm assigned to these classes. If not, why would I be getting the same kind of classes year after year after year after year after..

If the devil's horns start pushing their way through my thick head, I'm constantly reminded of my 'misfortune'. The voices unlock themselves from the dinghy space and whisper in my ears, "You ain't good enough for the EXPRESS. That's why you get the NA and NT." I will look around and lo behold, these voices speak the truth! Some of my fellow Potters have all the good stuff.. and still complain about their Goonies' performance. Wait till they get mine.. they'll soon look as emanciated as me, hearing voices day in and day out.

Not that I don't love my Goonies. They are fantastic! They made me laugh; made the effort to celebrate my birthday (which I appreciate so much) when some of my friends actually forgot about it; come out with the weirdest cheer; chat with me; treat me as one of their own.. But sad to say, most of them lack ambition (I just want to pass 3 subjects then go ITE. Duh!). Get into trouble almost everyday (the fagging incident was SO UNNECESSARY!). Dubious moral values (kick the LAN points until they broke because it was fun. God.. how dense can that be?). Messed up priorities (I have to work so I can't attend.. Huh?!?!). And the list goes on..

I FAILED miserably. I FAILED miserably as their Home Potter. Attitude reflects leadership. I'll never forget that. Maybe that's why they are not performing, in terms of their academic and attitude. And the voices will continue to haunt me..

*twenty28eight is currently on a 2-day mc. A gentle reminder; she loves white roses*

The Pain Behind the Eye

I cried in school on Friday. For the first time in six years since I elevated to a Potter, I cried in front of everybody. The pain was so excruciating that how stoic I was, I just could not stop the tears from falling.

PurringFeline was so shocked to see me prostrating at my chair. She thought I was being bullied by the PERVERT. Haahaa.. as if some cad can put me down on my knees.

"Headache. So painful," I lamented helplessly at her. I felt whatever Chocolate Sundae that I ate pushing its way out of my oesophagus. Usually I had such headaches at home where I will drown two Panadols forcefully down my throat (I abhor medicines!!!), prostrate at the bed (supposedly to ease the pain) and close my eyes, the thumping behind my left eye is the rhythm that I fell asleep with. When I wake up, everything will be fine again and I will be jumping around like some Energizer Bunny.

But not on Friday. I couldn't even drive myself home. I swallowed the loathsome paracetemol (is that how you spell it?) and slept in the lounge. Every minute, I will be woken up by the voices of Potters going in and out of the lounge; some not even visibly in it. Haahaa.. It was like I was mental and kept hearing voices in my head.

Slept until nearly 7 pm. Woke up but I still felt sick and lost. Told PurringFeline that couldn't stay for the night. Had a good rest in my bed but of course, had to wake up early the next morning for the JALAN YANG ISTIMEWA. Humph!

*twenty28eight is recently plagued with so many problems about her Goonies that she thinks she's going mental soon. please bring along white roses (her favourites) if you are visiting her at imh. by rsvp only*